We have been learning to write a recount
10th October 2016
August 10
Today we visited sunny Spain to sunbathe on one of their golden, sandy beaches. Before we got there I saw: jelly-fish, dolphins, turtles and a shark off the Peggy Sue. Once we had arrived, we got some Ice cream. I got mint, Dad got chocolate and Mum got vanilla. When we got onto the beach, Stella, my beautiful, brave Border Collie was going mad and nicked the person who was next to us sandwich. We decided that Stella was going far too mad so we decided to return to our old, rusty Peggy Sue for the rest of the day.
August 20
For the first time ever Mum let me steer the wheel, at first I was really good. but after that I saw a turtle and I didn’t want to hit it so I quickly turned the boat so I didn’t hit it. Unfortunately, Dad got his foot tangled in the Frayed, old rope and he tripped over. Once I had done that Mum didn’t let me steer the wheel again. I guess she’s the boss again.
August 23
Today wasn’t a good day. I woke up really early, it was steel dark and waves were crashing against our poor, injured Peggy Sue. It must be a storm. Stella got really scared and hid under the bunks whilst I helped dad tie the rope to the edge of the boat. Mum was still in bed because she was ill, I think she should be working because she stopped me from steering the wheel.
I like the phrase where you said “when we got onto the beach, Stella, my beautiful, brave Border Collie was going mad and nicked the person who was next to us’ sandwich” because I can imagine Stella jumping up and nicking their food.
I also like the phrase “we decided that Stella was going far too mad so we decided to return to our old, rusty Peggy Sue for the rest of the day” because it describes how the boat looks.
Next time you should try to use more describing words to describe things like the boat and the shark. For example Stella got scared and terrified so she hid under the bunks whilst I helped dad tie the rope to the edge of the boat.