We’ve have been learning to write a recount.
August 10th, 2014
Now, whatever you may have heard, whatever you may have seen, I can tell you truthfully that I didn’t do it. I was just standing in the roasting, dusty desert next to the wreckage of my most recent victim. As a scorpion ran along, a man drove by in his car. I stuck my thumb out and he stopped. He kept asking questions about taking me to the next station. I agreed, then I got in the car not answering any more. Why wouldn’t he stop? As he drove along the narrow, bumpy path I looked at my no-handed watch – it was time to get rid of him. My opaque goggles showed me a vision of his car tumbling off a cliff, it inevitably would happen. It always does. He will be another innocent victim whom I never feel sorry for…
I really think that you’ve put a lot of effort into this piece of writing.
STAR: I like the part “My goggles showed me a vision of his car tumbling of a cliff, it inevitably would happen” because there is a lot of descriptive words in it.
STAR: You have used a good variety of descriptive features.
WISH:Next time I think that you should use paragraphs because it will make the different parts more visible.